I've been staring at this computer monitor for ages, trying to come up with something sombre, to describe mood.
Despite all the effort to make sense of things, ever since you left,
I still haven't understood.
I aint angry no more,
But I simply can not stop these tears from falling.
It hurts so much to accept you are gone.
The memories you left keep me going,
only they aint enough.
I hope there is really a life after death,
Cos if there is not, then I'd never forgive myself for not saying goodbye,
Especially to the one and only brother I had.
Rest in peace, dearest Craig!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Zuma to rule SA?? UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!
I thought Malawians and Zimbabweans were the only ones playing political "mummies and daddies"? I guess I stand corrected.
South Africans have just made the biggest blunder in political history. I feel let down big time! How could they vote for Zuma of all the depraved illiterates?
A rapist for president? NO BLOODY WAY!
Thabo Mbeki might have been cold and gay, but he had integrity.
The inaptly corrupted Jacob surely makes Bakili Muluzi the thief, and John Tembo the murderer look like saints.
My grandpa Bob Mugabe is literally an impeccable genius compared to the new South African president.
Absolute heap of dung!
South Africans have just made the biggest blunder in political history. I feel let down big time! How could they vote for Zuma of all the depraved illiterates?
A rapist for president? NO BLOODY WAY!
Thabo Mbeki might have been cold and gay, but he had integrity.
The inaptly corrupted Jacob surely makes Bakili Muluzi the thief, and John Tembo the murderer look like saints.
My grandpa Bob Mugabe is literally an impeccable genius compared to the new South African president.
Absolute heap of dung!
Forever on the dance floor.
Unlike Cinderella at the Prince's ball, she gracefully entered the familiar hall on a steady gait, with her head held as higher as the clouds. She looked elegant in her ankle-length emerald fashion designer dress that exposed her slender back, but hid the classy pair of stiletto she had on her feet. Her hair was a mass of fashionable spirals that dangled down her neck. She was a fantastic picturesque to behold!
A sudden realization of the vast changes that had taken place inside the old hall over the years brought her to an abrupt halt. She was awestruck!
A fluffy mass of red and gold carpet covered the once soiled floors. The walls were expensively papered in a rich yellow hue that would illuminate even the most despairing darkness.
The glittering constellation of lights in the ceiling added a much more exotic look to the place.
It was unbelievable!
Even the revellers looked different. The women were exclusive in their colourful ball gowns and make up. Almost angelic. The men in their tuxedos, almost untouchable. It was indeed an extravagant scenery.
The once filthy 'Kachasu' filled tumblers were now replaced with posh champaigne glasses. Everything was in an immaculate condition.
Among the throng of these beautiful merrymakers, her eyes searched for one familiar face. She could feel her soul tense inside. Every blood vessel in her body was boiling in anticipation. Then suddenly she spotted him at the far side of the hall. He had his head down and hands in his pockets as if deep in thoughts. Her heart was pounding so hard in her ribs, the soft music that was being played seemed mute in comparison. He still made her wits reel with desire after all the years.
And as if cautioned, he looked up from his dream and saw her. When their eyes met, everything went idle. The moment was intensely electrifying.
Then as if controlled by a huge magnetic force, they strided towards one another.
A few centimetres away from him, she made another halt to take a good look at the only man that had ever captivated her soul; the only man she loved.
He was now taller and annoyingly sexier. Unlike the other guys, he had his jacket off but still looked a million pounds worth. The first two buttons of his snow white shirt were unbuttoned and showed a morsel of manly hair. It took all the effort she could muster for her to remain in control. Otherwise all she wanted was to run to him and rip his shirt off so she could trace her fingers over his inviting love garden.
She covered the remaining two steps and took both his hands in hers. They did not have to say much. Their eyes spoke in very high decibels. The love waves flowing around in their blood vessels almost shook the whole place apart.
This time he didn't have to ask her to dance. When Joe Thomas started playing one of his amorous songs, he gently pulled her into the comfort of his strongs arms. It was as if she was moulded to perfectly fit there. Nothing else mattered but their love.
And when their lips finally met, everything and everyone disappeared into the thin oxygen around the hall. The slow, but most sensual kiss they shared made up for all the years lost; sealing their destiny forever, right on the same dance floor where it all begun.
**For you Jr**
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
To love in vain.
The only time I can't get my brain into a writing gear is when my heart is shedding buckets of blood for opportinities lost.
Have you ever felt there was something critically important missing from your life, even though in truth, you have almost everything a human being could possibly need?
I have.
Yes, I am happy, but sometimes I wonder why I feel so sad?
Despite all the beautiful gifts the world has offerred, why do I still feel like a vital part of my existence isn't there?
Why do I still have this void; a longing, deep within the depths of my soul, crying out to be filled?
It hurts so much to know love was in your grasp at one time, but somehow you let it go.
It hurts even worse when everything you do brings you back to that person you want more than life itself, and knowing you can never have them.
....................................................
Totally messed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*****
Have you ever felt there was something critically important missing from your life, even though in truth, you have almost everything a human being could possibly need?
I have.
Yes, I am happy, but sometimes I wonder why I feel so sad?
Despite all the beautiful gifts the world has offerred, why do I still feel like a vital part of my existence isn't there?
Why do I still have this void; a longing, deep within the depths of my soul, crying out to be filled?
It hurts so much to know love was in your grasp at one time, but somehow you let it go.
It hurts even worse when everything you do brings you back to that person you want more than life itself, and knowing you can never have them.
....................................................
Totally messed up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*****
Monday, April 20, 2009
The plus symbol.
25 years of retribution starts with the passionate union between two bodies of the opposite sex. Whether this act of sweet joining takes place in a thorny bush, or steamy shower, or on a bed of roses, does not really matter, for the result is usually the same.
For women, the price that comes with the pleasure of the union is exorbitantly high.
Normally, you have an approximately 2o days after the 'loving' to enjoy your freedom before fierce hormones begin their wreckage in your body.
The first sign of imminent danger is the escalating libido level. Suddenly, your frigidity has been miraculously cured. You want "it" 24/7. Before you know it, you have become a nymph in just a short time.
I always advise my friends (especially the men) who are in that situation to enjoy every minute of those libidinous days - for when manic morning sickness hits, a single thought of coupling is enough to get you locked up for homicide or worse.
Have you ever wondered why they call it morning sickness? I have, and I think its stupid they call it that. The crazy condition does not give a damn what time of day it is to strike - anytime is hell time.
I had to walk around with a plastic bag during both my pregnancies just to avoid regurgitating on other furious beings. At one point I almost choked on my puke trying to find the nearest toilet in town.
Besides the evil retching, morning sickness also brings with it a terrible heartburn that radiates your soul. Pregnancy is such a messy business.
For women, the price that comes with the pleasure of the union is exorbitantly high.
Normally, you have an approximately 2o days after the 'loving' to enjoy your freedom before fierce hormones begin their wreckage in your body.
The first sign of imminent danger is the escalating libido level. Suddenly, your frigidity has been miraculously cured. You want "it" 24/7. Before you know it, you have become a nymph in just a short time.
I always advise my friends (especially the men) who are in that situation to enjoy every minute of those libidinous days - for when manic morning sickness hits, a single thought of coupling is enough to get you locked up for homicide or worse.
Have you ever wondered why they call it morning sickness? I have, and I think its stupid they call it that. The crazy condition does not give a damn what time of day it is to strike - anytime is hell time.
I had to walk around with a plastic bag during both my pregnancies just to avoid regurgitating on other furious beings. At one point I almost choked on my puke trying to find the nearest toilet in town.
Besides the evil retching, morning sickness also brings with it a terrible heartburn that radiates your soul. Pregnancy is such a messy business.
Still in denial about everything happening, and feeling like a rotten piece of meat, the last thing you want is some pedantic, fogy of a doctor to be telling you some "its good news" bull. So you take matters in the hands of the little, heartless stick of reckoning. A mark of urine in form of a plus or minus mathematical symbol holds your destiny. When it comes to the truth, that little stick tells it in the most brutal manner possible.
The minute it takes for the result to season is more nerve-wrecking than having to wait for the jury reach a verdict for a murder you did not commit.
Before you know it, your whole body mutates into a huge scary planet. You make frequent visits to the loo a century times more than a common inebriate who is forever in a pub.
You cant sleep or bend. You walk with legs apart like an gonorrhoea-hampered brass. Life seems tediuosly dull for you.
After almost 90 days of the horrible morning sickness, another 90 of incessant peeing and another 90 of looking like an obese hippo, a day or two of unutterable pain that makes morning sickness seem like a leisurely work out, in comparison, follows. Then after what seems like a million excruciating pushes, a big head pops out of your body, covered in guts, blood and other inexplicably disgusting stuff. One squeaky scream marks the end of your freedom forever.
Congratulations, you've just created your own "pooping bill-generator"!
Rihanna and Ti didn't make sense....
Earth has surely bred more losers than any other planet in comparison. I can't believe other people actually have an extra minute, in this busy world, to follow up on what others are doing. Such a waste of precious time.
But hey, I guess some people simply like to put their sorry asses on hold and watch others live.
Yeazus, their lives must be incomprehensibly boring to get to such lengths....!
Well, since you've chosen to make an executant out of moi, you won't be disappointed. I will give all'ya haters something juicy worth opening your gabbles wide for. So put them meaningless lives of yours on a long pause - or stop them all together, and make sure your silly, sorry backsides are as comfortable as possible for yours truly is about to give you an Oscar award winning performance.
Ha ha, am so loving this!
My life, your entertainment.
But hey, I guess some people simply like to put their sorry asses on hold and watch others live.
Yeazus, their lives must be incomprehensibly boring to get to such lengths....!
Well, since you've chosen to make an executant out of moi, you won't be disappointed. I will give all'ya haters something juicy worth opening your gabbles wide for. So put them meaningless lives of yours on a long pause - or stop them all together, and make sure your silly, sorry backsides are as comfortable as possible for yours truly is about to give you an Oscar award winning performance.
Ha ha, am so loving this!
My life, your entertainment.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
My faith in humanity slowly waning.
What is this world coming to, really?
When I was 16, I witnessed two of my favourite cousins (brother and sister) having incestuous intercourse. I thought it was the most sickening encounter to ever have taken place on planet earth, I thought my cousins were the "sickest sickos" alive.
But I was dead wrong.
The world is full of sickos, and some of the stuff they do are just way too gross for contemplation.
A good example would be two Irish sisters, well known as the "scissors sisters" who brutally hammered their mum's foreign boyfriend to death, dismembered him and and threw his body pieces in a canal, keeping his penis and head.
Then another pair of evil; brothers from Russia, murdered their other brother, chopped up his body, refrigirated the pieces, and ate them continously, everyday for six months.
And just recently, this well respected farmer shamelessly admitted to having sex with his sheep on regular basis. He even had the decency to tell the world that he enjoys the sick act with the poor animal, more than the way he does with his beloved wife. Tell me that it normal?
Everyday I pick up a news paper, there is always something heart-stoppingly depressing happening somewhere. If its not Bestiality, its Incest, or murder or some other soul-freezing thing beyond human understanding, like child molestation.
Its utterly disgusting!
Let me stop here for now before I puke my guts out on this laptop......
When I was 16, I witnessed two of my favourite cousins (brother and sister) having incestuous intercourse. I thought it was the most sickening encounter to ever have taken place on planet earth, I thought my cousins were the "sickest sickos" alive.
But I was dead wrong.
The world is full of sickos, and some of the stuff they do are just way too gross for contemplation.
A good example would be two Irish sisters, well known as the "scissors sisters" who brutally hammered their mum's foreign boyfriend to death, dismembered him and and threw his body pieces in a canal, keeping his penis and head.
Then another pair of evil; brothers from Russia, murdered their other brother, chopped up his body, refrigirated the pieces, and ate them continously, everyday for six months.
And just recently, this well respected farmer shamelessly admitted to having sex with his sheep on regular basis. He even had the decency to tell the world that he enjoys the sick act with the poor animal, more than the way he does with his beloved wife. Tell me that it normal?
Everyday I pick up a news paper, there is always something heart-stoppingly depressing happening somewhere. If its not Bestiality, its Incest, or murder or some other soul-freezing thing beyond human understanding, like child molestation.
Its utterly disgusting!
Let me stop here for now before I puke my guts out on this laptop......
No proof of the existence of Sorcery.
Where I come from, almost everyone is obsessed with sorcery - witchcraft, in other words. Most people equate this evil-associated form of art with the eldery, and am not sure why. Maybe their frail and puckered appearance perfectly fits the imaginative description of evil......well, I dont know. I remember when I was in Standard 3, a certain friend of mine came to School late claiming a witch had fallen off from the roof at their house. Being horribly curious, I knew there was absolutely no way I was going to miss such a big event. I remember, I was supposed to take a Maths test on that day, but I chose to miss it for the witch. When I got there, I was dissappointed to see just an ordinary-looking old lady on the porch being mercilessly beaten. People who had come to the scene earlier swore the lady looked really scary minutes after her fall. They claimed her ears were as big as satelite dishes, her nose almost a 100m wide and so on. I did not believe any of that crap for I didn't see it, so I decided to go back to School to face the inevitable consequences - a good beating. The rest of the day went sour for me. The miserable whipping my backside endured on that particular afternoon, for missing the test would have been a lot more bearable if I had seen the witch still in her evil transformation (big ears and all that).......anyway, I guess it just was not my day.
Not only the old and wrinkled are the first suspects when it comes to witchcraft, even small children - especially the ones who look malnourished, are sometimes branded witches. It is a strong belief that stunted growth in kids is a result of eating too much human meat. Unbelievably GROSS!
I find this whole belief in sorcery ridiculous and stupid. How is it possible for a grown person to fly on a needle or broom, or sprint on a delicate Spider web? Honestly, if witchcraft really existed, a lot of people, especialy Africans, would be millionaires - they would use their magic powers to rob banks and make themselves filthy rich.
I believe the whole thing is just a stupid excuse losers use when things dont go their way. "ndalodzedwa, akuti akuti aja alemera mosadziwika bwino, ufiti...." These are the kinds of silly lines people usually comfort their silly *asses with, when their lives are nothing but total fiascos. PATHETIC!
Unless I see myself up in the sky on a needle, I will forever remain unconvinced about the existence of supernatural powers.
Not only the old and wrinkled are the first suspects when it comes to witchcraft, even small children - especially the ones who look malnourished, are sometimes branded witches. It is a strong belief that stunted growth in kids is a result of eating too much human meat. Unbelievably GROSS!
I find this whole belief in sorcery ridiculous and stupid. How is it possible for a grown person to fly on a needle or broom, or sprint on a delicate Spider web? Honestly, if witchcraft really existed, a lot of people, especialy Africans, would be millionaires - they would use their magic powers to rob banks and make themselves filthy rich.
I believe the whole thing is just a stupid excuse losers use when things dont go their way. "ndalodzedwa, akuti akuti aja alemera mosadziwika bwino, ufiti...." These are the kinds of silly lines people usually comfort their silly *asses with, when their lives are nothing but total fiascos. PATHETIC!
Unless I see myself up in the sky on a needle, I will forever remain unconvinced about the existence of supernatural powers.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Malawi's upcoming "mummies and daddies" election.
I've tried so damn hard to keep my oversized nose out of Malawi's recent ridiculous political situation, but I think I've just had enough! Having to suppress turbulent rapids of rage over my home country's upcoming unnecessary general election for so long has left me emotionally paralysed. Look at the presidential candidates in running, do you honestly think Malawi is ready for change yet? Its seriously depressing. Where are all the young promising, intelligent, fresh politicians?
It's always been the same stupid parties and same old, disease-hampered faces running since the first general election fifteen years ago. To be truthful, these people are not even fit to be Kindergarten class monitors. And even if people voted for the right candidate, chances of the outcome being fair and genuine would still be close to none. It is indeed a hopeless situation.
Everytime I hear the name Bakili Muluzi, my mood takes a wrong, sour turn. I honestly think him running for president for the third time, is cripplingly absurd. My heart painfully bleeds every minute I try to think of why nobody was able to put a stop to that utter nonsense when it first begun.
Every Malawian citizen knows the guy has an incurable thieving disorder; he can not keep his hands out of other people's pockets. I sincerely thought change was what everybody wanted? But it seems people are ready for the repitition of bad history. Go ahead, vote for the thief then..
No one in their sound mind would want to waste their precious vote on John Tembo. Come on, the man gives politics a smelly name. If you were there during the Kamuzu era, then you probably know what am talking about_no need to make a long list of all his soul-chilling deeds. Besides, I do not even think Tembo has any presidency bone in him. I reckon the day this MCP leader becomes president will also be the day Pacific ocean dries up completely.
I am not going to waste any of my time talking about the elks of Gwanda Chakwamba, Kamlepo Kaluwa and all other political losers who think they even stand a chance. Seriously, what is there to say? Them guys haven't done anything solid politically....aargh...BORING!
A fat juicy critic about Bingu Wamutharika would have been a magnificent way to finish the chapter, but am afraid my little black book has nothing sinister about the current president. Seriously speaking, I haven't had a whiff of any planned assassinations, or pocketing of millions meant for charity from this guy yet. Ok, maybe electricity and water predicaments, but anybody in their right minds would know that is not entirely the president's fault. And judging from the new exotic look of the little warm heart of Africa nowadays, it would be unfair not to give him a morsel of credit. Ofcourse he is not Barack Obama, but I still think he has done alright.
Why go through the whole voting ordeal when we can simply let Bingu carry on with the reign? At least till the elks of Bakili Muluzi and John Tembo bite the dust.....
It's always been the same stupid parties and same old, disease-hampered faces running since the first general election fifteen years ago. To be truthful, these people are not even fit to be Kindergarten class monitors. And even if people voted for the right candidate, chances of the outcome being fair and genuine would still be close to none. It is indeed a hopeless situation.
Everytime I hear the name Bakili Muluzi, my mood takes a wrong, sour turn. I honestly think him running for president for the third time, is cripplingly absurd. My heart painfully bleeds every minute I try to think of why nobody was able to put a stop to that utter nonsense when it first begun.
Every Malawian citizen knows the guy has an incurable thieving disorder; he can not keep his hands out of other people's pockets. I sincerely thought change was what everybody wanted? But it seems people are ready for the repitition of bad history. Go ahead, vote for the thief then..
No one in their sound mind would want to waste their precious vote on John Tembo. Come on, the man gives politics a smelly name. If you were there during the Kamuzu era, then you probably know what am talking about_no need to make a long list of all his soul-chilling deeds. Besides, I do not even think Tembo has any presidency bone in him. I reckon the day this MCP leader becomes president will also be the day Pacific ocean dries up completely.
I am not going to waste any of my time talking about the elks of Gwanda Chakwamba, Kamlepo Kaluwa and all other political losers who think they even stand a chance. Seriously, what is there to say? Them guys haven't done anything solid politically....aargh...BORING!
A fat juicy critic about Bingu Wamutharika would have been a magnificent way to finish the chapter, but am afraid my little black book has nothing sinister about the current president. Seriously speaking, I haven't had a whiff of any planned assassinations, or pocketing of millions meant for charity from this guy yet. Ok, maybe electricity and water predicaments, but anybody in their right minds would know that is not entirely the president's fault. And judging from the new exotic look of the little warm heart of Africa nowadays, it would be unfair not to give him a morsel of credit. Ofcourse he is not Barack Obama, but I still think he has done alright.
Why go through the whole voting ordeal when we can simply let Bingu carry on with the reign? At least till the elks of Bakili Muluzi and John Tembo bite the dust.....
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Bloodbath at Stamford bridge.
The Blue Hunkies smilingly finished the castration ceremony of Loserfools (Liverpool) which began last week wednesday.
Chelsea elusively denied Liverpool another chance to get into the semi-finals of Champion league. What a shame!
However, getting them Liverpool beasts to behave while the gelding was in process was not such an easy job. But the persistent Chelsea studs did it with pride.
What an energy-sapping competition it was; A real blood-bath!
Give me Drogba anytime.....lol
But a big well done to both teams. Liverpool might not have made it to the semis but it surely gave them Chelsea hunkies a good chase for their money.
Blue all the way!
Chelsea elusively denied Liverpool another chance to get into the semi-finals of Champion league. What a shame!
However, getting them Liverpool beasts to behave while the gelding was in process was not such an easy job. But the persistent Chelsea studs did it with pride.
What an energy-sapping competition it was; A real blood-bath!
Give me Drogba anytime.....lol
But a big well done to both teams. Liverpool might not have made it to the semis but it surely gave them Chelsea hunkies a good chase for their money.
Blue all the way!
Life isn't fair.
My last blog "Men can be SO BLOODY IRRITATING" has managed to infuriate a number of souls, am afraid.
One of my best buddies actually thought everything written in it was horriby feministic and unfair considering that not all men are insensitive bastards the way the blog insinuates.
Another one went on to say, 'I will quote'; Hannah, you are still as stubborn as ever. Will it ever get into your head that boys will always be boys? You dont deserve that saint of your hubby. Him being insanely jealous only means he loves you to bits. Why is it that the best guys are wasted on stubborn feminist like yourself?"
You know what, the last question got me thinking really hard about my life. People have always thought good things were wasted on me.
For example; When I was a baby, my aunt tells me my mom used to say the Hebrew name, "Hannah" which means "Graceful" in English, was wasted on me for I was a wicked bundle of screams and tears, not joy. I am told I would persistently scream till I got what I wanted. And when time came for my mum to wean me off the boob, I cried for ten days without giving my poorly immature lungs a break.
Growing up, my elder brother bullied me relentlessly and turned me into a terrible tomboy. My hair would always be cut very short_almost bald. I was that devastatingly naughty girl who was always among a bunch of boys climbing trees. I never used to wear pink or participate in anything girlish going on around the house. I was a constant source of frustration for my mother who eventually had to use the oldest trick in the book to turn me into a proper lady. She always used to cry everytime I got into trouble whether at school or around the neighbourhood for mischief. She must have thought I was cursed with the evil associated gay-gene or something......why else would she cry? Anyway, maybe I was just a handful...lol
My grandmother (God rest her soul) on the other hand thought it pointless to teach me any wifery duties like, cooking and washing since she was a hundred and twenty percent sure I would never get hitched....... (she must have turned in her grave when I did). However, she would always say a special rosary for me every night asking The Almighty to relieve me of my satan-accompanied stubbornness and tomboyshness. (It worked I must say).
Whilst my Nana was all over me like a bad nappy rash with her rosary beads, it was my aunties from my dad's side who always managed to raise my temper to a dangerous effervescing point. They would go on and on about how they could not understand why splendid feminine qualities like shapely hips and boobs were wasted on somebody who did not deserve them; somebody like me. And It wasn't just my family on my case. Even people I had no blood ties with thought they had a say in my being stubborn and flippant. I really felt seriously smothered. I truly believed these people were trying to tell me how to live my life and I did not like it. So I resorted to day dreaming and numbed all my sensory nerves. It worked like a charm. The only disadvantage of my new found antidote to these people's salty insults and complaints was that it did not have a positive effect in my life academically. I remember day dreaming all the lessons I thought excruciatingly boring away in my school days. That frustrated the wits of almost all my teachers for they believed I did not make good use of my "super brains".......another super quality wasted on me.....shooo!
And believe it or not, when I reproduced, everybody including my best friend almost suffered a heart attack from shock. My aunt instantly aged prematurely and she is now in a nursing home.....lol When I asked why everybody thought my reproducing strange, they told me that somehow the word reproduction and my name didnt really make sense in the same sentence........absolute mania.
Well, isnt it funny how life's lottery distributes its prizes and awards to the least suited candidates? For example; mostly, the least maternal women turn out to be annoyingly fertile, while the most maternal may have to strive to beget. Beautiful women who have more than a fair share of sexy admirers are sometimes indifferent to sex, while plain women are troubled with the highest libidos of secret nymphomaniacs.
Those with the talent to be artists may not have the temperament, and some with the ambition for glory do no have the talent. Those who have the brains may not be diligent enough, and the most diligent ones lack the brains. And those more suited to the role of marriage get the worst partners and vice-versa.
Sorry guys, but life is a bitch so deal with it!
One of my best buddies actually thought everything written in it was horriby feministic and unfair considering that not all men are insensitive bastards the way the blog insinuates.
Another one went on to say, 'I will quote'; Hannah, you are still as stubborn as ever. Will it ever get into your head that boys will always be boys? You dont deserve that saint of your hubby. Him being insanely jealous only means he loves you to bits. Why is it that the best guys are wasted on stubborn feminist like yourself?"
You know what, the last question got me thinking really hard about my life. People have always thought good things were wasted on me.
For example; When I was a baby, my aunt tells me my mom used to say the Hebrew name, "Hannah" which means "Graceful" in English, was wasted on me for I was a wicked bundle of screams and tears, not joy. I am told I would persistently scream till I got what I wanted. And when time came for my mum to wean me off the boob, I cried for ten days without giving my poorly immature lungs a break.
Growing up, my elder brother bullied me relentlessly and turned me into a terrible tomboy. My hair would always be cut very short_almost bald. I was that devastatingly naughty girl who was always among a bunch of boys climbing trees. I never used to wear pink or participate in anything girlish going on around the house. I was a constant source of frustration for my mother who eventually had to use the oldest trick in the book to turn me into a proper lady. She always used to cry everytime I got into trouble whether at school or around the neighbourhood for mischief. She must have thought I was cursed with the evil associated gay-gene or something......why else would she cry? Anyway, maybe I was just a handful...lol
My grandmother (God rest her soul) on the other hand thought it pointless to teach me any wifery duties like, cooking and washing since she was a hundred and twenty percent sure I would never get hitched....... (she must have turned in her grave when I did). However, she would always say a special rosary for me every night asking The Almighty to relieve me of my satan-accompanied stubbornness and tomboyshness. (It worked I must say).
Whilst my Nana was all over me like a bad nappy rash with her rosary beads, it was my aunties from my dad's side who always managed to raise my temper to a dangerous effervescing point. They would go on and on about how they could not understand why splendid feminine qualities like shapely hips and boobs were wasted on somebody who did not deserve them; somebody like me. And It wasn't just my family on my case. Even people I had no blood ties with thought they had a say in my being stubborn and flippant. I really felt seriously smothered. I truly believed these people were trying to tell me how to live my life and I did not like it. So I resorted to day dreaming and numbed all my sensory nerves. It worked like a charm. The only disadvantage of my new found antidote to these people's salty insults and complaints was that it did not have a positive effect in my life academically. I remember day dreaming all the lessons I thought excruciatingly boring away in my school days. That frustrated the wits of almost all my teachers for they believed I did not make good use of my "super brains".......another super quality wasted on me.....shooo!
And believe it or not, when I reproduced, everybody including my best friend almost suffered a heart attack from shock. My aunt instantly aged prematurely and she is now in a nursing home.....lol When I asked why everybody thought my reproducing strange, they told me that somehow the word reproduction and my name didnt really make sense in the same sentence........absolute mania.
Well, isnt it funny how life's lottery distributes its prizes and awards to the least suited candidates? For example; mostly, the least maternal women turn out to be annoyingly fertile, while the most maternal may have to strive to beget. Beautiful women who have more than a fair share of sexy admirers are sometimes indifferent to sex, while plain women are troubled with the highest libidos of secret nymphomaniacs.
Those with the talent to be artists may not have the temperament, and some with the ambition for glory do no have the talent. Those who have the brains may not be diligent enough, and the most diligent ones lack the brains. And those more suited to the role of marriage get the worst partners and vice-versa.
Sorry guys, but life is a bitch so deal with it!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Men can be SO BLOODY IRRITATING!!!!!
Aaaarrgh!!!
Male creatures can be so heartbreakingly annoying at times. Everytime I put an effort to at least get into their thick brains to figure them out, a terrible migraine hits me harder than a lightning bolt instead.
I've had it up to the neck with these insensitive, satan-forsaken beasts!
Who created men anyway? Surely not God...
Gosh! They are such irritants!
When a lady is quite, they think she is being moody.
"is it that time of the month again honey?" Thats all they think about..
Jeez, I could do with brutal strangulation!
It seems men do not like seeing their women smiling, laughing or just enjoying themselves; "honey, you are a bit irky today are you sure your haven't had too much to drink?" That question just drives me suicidal! Its like an insult to an injury.
To these creatures, every intimate gesture from their lady has to end in between the legs. They dont understand that sometimes a woman just want to feel her man close enjoying the warmth and the sound of his heart beat without going all the bloody way.
I have always felt there is more to love than just an ordinary romp. (No I aint frigid if thats what you think). After all love is suppose to be unconditional (sex or no sex) and be felt from the heart and from within a woman's legs. But nah, men always put sex as a condition. I truly believe you have to feel for someone deeply before you enjoy sex with them thoroughly. Thats why its called making love. But I guess that theory has yet to sink into animal's thick skulls. And chances of that happening are in negatives.
Whilst all men are the same in terms of annoyance and irritation, mine scoops the most massive gold medal for serious abuse of both behaviours. When am quite he starts whining about how tired he is of my flactuating moods. When am happier than usual, he always thinks alcohol has something to do with it and finds it irritating.
He hates my books so much he threatened to burn them all. He does not like me reading at all. But when I decide to give my eyes a break and make noise with my sister on the phone instead, he asks why I aint reading coz my talking to my only sibling galls him to the depth of his troubled soul.
And when am online, he goes ballistic and takes it out on glasses and anything that is breakable within his reach.
When I'm late from work, he jumps to a stupid "you are having an affair" conclusion. When I stay home, he thinks I have a mission of bringing other men in the house whilst he is at work.
I often ask him what he wants me to be doing instead since nothing pleases him.
All you good ladies out there, dont go out of your way just to please a man. They never get satisfied anyway. That is the way they will always be!
*apologies to all men who have read this...its just me musing out loud the truth.
Male creatures can be so heartbreakingly annoying at times. Everytime I put an effort to at least get into their thick brains to figure them out, a terrible migraine hits me harder than a lightning bolt instead.
I've had it up to the neck with these insensitive, satan-forsaken beasts!
Who created men anyway? Surely not God...
Gosh! They are such irritants!
When a lady is quite, they think she is being moody.
"is it that time of the month again honey?" Thats all they think about..
Jeez, I could do with brutal strangulation!
It seems men do not like seeing their women smiling, laughing or just enjoying themselves; "honey, you are a bit irky today are you sure your haven't had too much to drink?" That question just drives me suicidal! Its like an insult to an injury.
To these creatures, every intimate gesture from their lady has to end in between the legs. They dont understand that sometimes a woman just want to feel her man close enjoying the warmth and the sound of his heart beat without going all the bloody way.
I have always felt there is more to love than just an ordinary romp. (No I aint frigid if thats what you think). After all love is suppose to be unconditional (sex or no sex) and be felt from the heart and from within a woman's legs. But nah, men always put sex as a condition. I truly believe you have to feel for someone deeply before you enjoy sex with them thoroughly. Thats why its called making love. But I guess that theory has yet to sink into animal's thick skulls. And chances of that happening are in negatives.
Whilst all men are the same in terms of annoyance and irritation, mine scoops the most massive gold medal for serious abuse of both behaviours. When am quite he starts whining about how tired he is of my flactuating moods. When am happier than usual, he always thinks alcohol has something to do with it and finds it irritating.
He hates my books so much he threatened to burn them all. He does not like me reading at all. But when I decide to give my eyes a break and make noise with my sister on the phone instead, he asks why I aint reading coz my talking to my only sibling galls him to the depth of his troubled soul.
And when am online, he goes ballistic and takes it out on glasses and anything that is breakable within his reach.
When I'm late from work, he jumps to a stupid "you are having an affair" conclusion. When I stay home, he thinks I have a mission of bringing other men in the house whilst he is at work.
I often ask him what he wants me to be doing instead since nothing pleases him.
All you good ladies out there, dont go out of your way just to please a man. They never get satisfied anyway. That is the way they will always be!
*apologies to all men who have read this...its just me musing out loud the truth.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Fantasy.
Its a snowy night in HELL. Drunkards, thieves, liars and all its other occupants are holding their breaths marvelling at this mass of crystal white.
And you know that only means one thing: Yours truly and her long-time lover, Honourable 'Red wine' are reunited in holy matrimony.
Dont mind me, am just in one mellow mood. And to spice it all up, I have a salivating meal waiting to be devoured tonight. On the menu I have the appetizing Usher Raymond for starters, the excrutiatingly sexy Michael Bolton for my main course and some honey-coated Joe Thomas for desert. Oh my, aint I just the luckiest?
Whats the point???
The Irish are famously and globally known for being notoriously thirsty; they are critical dipsomaniacs.
I haven't met any group of creatures who smoke like chimneys, drink more than a million fish en masse and romp more often than sex-deprived rabbits.
Anyone would think I'm making all this up if they visited Ireland Easter weekend. These people put the whole mother Theresa facade during this time. Everything that has anything to do with alcohol and fags dies a quick painful death on good friday; pretentiously that is. Clubs, pubs, off-licenses and all places that sell alcohol are not only closed but the shelves that hold the bottles and containers of sin are covered with black material.
But the funny thing is; these alcoholic potatoes go to all that trouble pretending to be mourning the son of God but in their homes everything stays the same. They'd have purchased a plentiful amount of liquor to last them the days they're supposed to wear the christianity masks. If you dont know how they truly operate you would think they are so serious about the whole easter thing and all that. Well, wrong!
Everyone knows the Irish are forever thirsty. They, themselves, know it too. I think the whole business of closing up liquor stores just for reasons that are false is just incomprehensibly ridiculous. If they want to mourn their savour, Jesus Christ, then I suggest they shouldn't even touch alcohol in the first place during that whole time they are supposed to be mourning. Otherwise the whole routine is just absolutely pointless!
I haven't met any group of creatures who smoke like chimneys, drink more than a million fish en masse and romp more often than sex-deprived rabbits.
Anyone would think I'm making all this up if they visited Ireland Easter weekend. These people put the whole mother Theresa facade during this time. Everything that has anything to do with alcohol and fags dies a quick painful death on good friday; pretentiously that is. Clubs, pubs, off-licenses and all places that sell alcohol are not only closed but the shelves that hold the bottles and containers of sin are covered with black material.
But the funny thing is; these alcoholic potatoes go to all that trouble pretending to be mourning the son of God but in their homes everything stays the same. They'd have purchased a plentiful amount of liquor to last them the days they're supposed to wear the christianity masks. If you dont know how they truly operate you would think they are so serious about the whole easter thing and all that. Well, wrong!
Everyone knows the Irish are forever thirsty. They, themselves, know it too. I think the whole business of closing up liquor stores just for reasons that are false is just incomprehensibly ridiculous. If they want to mourn their savour, Jesus Christ, then I suggest they shouldn't even touch alcohol in the first place during that whole time they are supposed to be mourning. Otherwise the whole routine is just absolutely pointless!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Liverpool gelded!
Monday, April 6, 2009
???????.
Scribbling, scribbling and more scribbling. Its another Manic Monday and as usual, I am in a foulest mood. And to ice the cake, I have one of them terrible period pains. Its absolute crap!
So, to avoid life in prison, (coz now I so feel like strangling some soul) I have decided to torture this poor keyboard instead.... it definitely is more appealing than brutal murder.
Damn, I am insane!
Its times like these when I realise that not everybody who's seen a Shrink has their brain wires crossed or messed up and that you don't have to be instutionalised to qualify as a lunatic. I am a perfect example of raw lunacy. Ofcourse I inherited a fair share of crazy genes but I would still have qualified had that not been the case.
I live in my thoughts. That absolutely gives me a plus where insanity is concerned. There are times when I feel like the most demented soul on this planet. But right now I feel more like a confused pregnant cockroach who is experiencing horrible labour pains than crazy.
I am sorry if you happen to be cursed and are reading this at the moment.....
Eeeeeeish, I am not sure where I am going with this anymore. My scattered brain seems exhausted. I can't scribble when that happens.
So, to avoid life in prison, (coz now I so feel like strangling some soul) I have decided to torture this poor keyboard instead.... it definitely is more appealing than brutal murder.
Damn, I am insane!
Its times like these when I realise that not everybody who's seen a Shrink has their brain wires crossed or messed up and that you don't have to be instutionalised to qualify as a lunatic. I am a perfect example of raw lunacy. Ofcourse I inherited a fair share of crazy genes but I would still have qualified had that not been the case.
I live in my thoughts. That absolutely gives me a plus where insanity is concerned. There are times when I feel like the most demented soul on this planet. But right now I feel more like a confused pregnant cockroach who is experiencing horrible labour pains than crazy.
I am sorry if you happen to be cursed and are reading this at the moment.....
Eeeeeeish, I am not sure where I am going with this anymore. My scattered brain seems exhausted. I can't scribble when that happens.
Happy Birthday Orama!
The first animal I pushed into this world turns four in just two days; another dark,unwelcomed reminder of years piling up! I still find it hard to believe how fast time flies especially when one is trying to forget their age.
Its just not fair! Whenever I wish for time to drag a bit, it flies faster than a jet. And when I want it to go a tiny wee faster, it crawls slower than a heavily pregnant snail....one thats about to deliver triplets!
Anyway, I guess there is no dodging this an unwanted pile of years; old age will always have a way to irk one's soul even in severe cases of dementia, amnesia and all other memory related illnesses.
So for the fourth time I'm gonna have to try and pretend the horrors of wrinkles and grey hairs do not exist and revel with my son. At least I know I will seek solace in the strong and inviting arms of a winsome 'Jameson' later. That has always been a consolation.
Happy Birthday to my Precious boy! Besides the incessant yapping and crazy mischief, he is such a dote this little animal of mine. xx
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Serena struggles into the semis.
Serena Williams perspired blood to get into the Miami semi finals.
The female tennis world number's blazing date with the Chinese ace, Na Li, ended in three long, frustrating sets in her favour.
Na Li denied Serena Williams the comfy cushion of the first set by kicking her hard in the teeth with a 6-4 win.
The two players profusely lost gallons of blood in the second set battling it out. The world number brought out all her monstrous tricks to secure the set in a tie break.
It seemed Na Li exhausted all her effort in the second set and had no more energy left for the the deciding set battle. That must have given Serena a boost for she was just untouchable. She cruised through the set winning it 6-2 to seal the match.
Serena will probably meet her Sister Venus in the semi finals....
Firmly behind Madonna!
Once again Madonna has been on the front pages of almost each and every news paper all over the world after her decision to adopt for the second time.
However, there has been a lot of negative controversy over the issue. People do not think it fair that celebrities are able adopt just like that without going through the whole tiresome process ordinary people do, simply because they float in cash. Many are infuriated and think Madonna should not be allowed to adopt since she is now a single mother after divorcing hubby Guy Ritchie. Others shamelessly accuse her of going through the whole saintly ordeal for publicity reasons. I think these people are just being irritatingly inconsiderate in thinking that way. Madonna surely does not need to adopt a poor Malawian kid just for publicity. She has enough fame to last her a zillion years.
Despite what people think or say, locked or not, publicity stunts or whatever you may call it, the fact that Madonna will give Baby Mercy a life her parents might never even have dreamt of for their daughter still remains. One out of a million poverty stricken children is being given a chance for life; a chance to a brighter future. To hell with the law and all other stupid rules. Madonna should go ahead and adopt Baby Mercy!
Coming from one of the most impoverished countries in Africa, myself, (coincidentaly where baby David and Mercy are originally from) believe me, there are so many children out there whom given a chance, would make brilliant doctors, lawyers, teachers etc. But they have no way out.
These people who think Madonna should not go ahead with the adoption simply because she has no ring on her finger, have absolutely no idea what the word 'poverty' stands for. They have no idea how it feels like to go to bed on an empty stomach. The only problem they have is probably infertility....or maybe impotency.
Ofcourse celebrities are favoured. Money talks! Thats reality. If people like Madge, Angelina and all others who have it in abundance want to share it with one or two less fortunate children, who are we to stand in their way?
So, before any more huge yapping mouths are widely opened to expel rotten rubbish, one important factor should be put into consideration; not Madge being a single mother and looking for publicity, not how unfair this whole system is, but "Baby Mercy's life".
Madonna might be a single mother but she has all the money to give this little girl a life many of us only experience in our dreams and thoughts.
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