:(

To all my ardent readers, sincere apologies for my not scribbling as frequently as I promised. Some pressing issues in my life; my first born son brought home "nsabwe" from school. A massive war is in progress between me and the filthy little living organisms. What's their purpose on earth, these nsabwes? They are so damn hard to love...
But I blame our fellow humans with White skin for this particular trouble my son has gifted us with. They are so economic with their baths, therefore entertain a lot of dirt; thus the constant outbreaks of lice in schools. What am I doing so far away from home with the type of human beings I like only a little?

Nsabwe aside, this stupid football club my soul stupidly chose to be a slave for has seen to it that my weekends should be funereal. Chelsea, my dear Chelsea...
Aaaah, Desperate times!
So my dear fans, have a little patience. Right now, besides the nits in my son's hair, I'm still hurting from Chelsea's epic loss at their home ground yesterday. I just need a bit of time to "unnumb" this numb heart of mine. Maybe heal and feel again...

My buddy with bedroom issues informed me a few days ago that her partner finally went down on her...AND, got sick all over the bed.
I can just imagine what a mess it was!
Darn!!!

*Check my opinion on couples and their sexual preferences in the next blog*

Nyash.

Hey G,

Shaaz, the year is on such a speedy cruise...wonder where it's rushing to... Can you believe it's February already?

Anyway, I guess it's pointless to worry about the speed of time especially with all that I have in my life to worry about.

Have I ever told you Wednesday is my least favourite day? Yes, it is. Nothing glorious or productive ever happens on Wednesday. It's all mediocre to a point of sickness.
I never smile on wednesdays. If it ain't the postman I feel like strangling for bringing me bills, it's the animals.
Today has been the worst of all Wednesdays. Orama's best buddy got run over by a car in the neighbourhood. He's fine, no broken bones, but Orama is beyond traumatised. He saw the whole accident when it happened, and can't seem to get over it. I'm thinking of bringing him to a shrink...

Apart from the problems above, I am fine. Both physically and emotionally. I'm never ok mentally. But that never worries me. As long as I can read, write, and strike some interesting convo with the ceiling, nothing else matters. They do have so much to say these walls...
Did I tell you my young sister is in the family way? Yes, knocked up, again. Don't even mention it! It's sick. What happened to birth controls? After she hatches this particular foetus I'm castrating her partner. This world has enough idiots as we talk. My own two, plus her own, plus my best friend's... No need for any more.

You know G, I've never really sat down and thought of what race you are. I know you are a woman. Middle aged, not going through that most talked about crisis as such, but very wise. Apart from that, I know nothing else. There so much mystery surrounding you. Are you White, black, Indian, Chinese?
I so hope you are any other race, but White.
Why?
Because my reason for being here today has a lot to do with White creatures and their inventions, curiosity and more...
A White man is responsible for a lot of sinful acts of this world...a lot of mind corruption.
The issue is, one of my good buddies is going through a rough patch in her marriage right now. I know I shouldn't be blogging about people's private lives, especially my best friend's, but I feel I need to so other couples can learn from it.
It all began with my buddy denying her hubby what this foolish world calls his "bedroom rights". (Which fool started this whole dung of husbands having sexual rights? Total chauvinistic bull).
Anyway, the problem went on for a while before my buddy gathered up courage to talk to me. Why does every married woman I know think I'm the expert when it comes to marriage issues? Maybe I should go into business... start selling my advice...lol
My buddy confided in me that there was zero action in their bedroom and it was taking a toll on their marriage. For real, for real. A subject that has caused too many a headaches, this Nyash. You can just imagine my speechlessness when she mentioned the name. I didn't know what to say to her, or where to begin. I felt like a creature with a serious case of aphasia. But I put on a brave face and tackled the difficult subject like a pro. I told her one or two things I know that do a great job of spicing up stale love affairs. But spice wasn't what my friend needed.
I really don't know if I should continue with this...
Well, since I've already started, I guess I better finish.
To cut the long story short, my buddy isn't happy that her hubby won't go down on her...as in "eating her up"...
She wants to try all these sexual acts and positions and her partner won't meet her half way. Modernism has affected even our bedrooms...lol What would your response be caught in a situation I was caught in? What would your advice be?
Do you think he should grant her her wishes and chow her up?
Is buddy putting the partner in an awkward position by asking for stuff he doesn't believe in?
How do you compromise such a situation?

*The act of lovemaking was simple and straight forward before White man!

Hey G,

I'm thinking "The Fall of The Feds" as the title for this blog after what happened at Rod Laver this morning. I don't know if it would be appropriate...
Today the almighty Roger Federer was again shown how it feels like to lose a match in humiliating straight sets in front of thousands of loyal fans in Melbourne. Novak Djokovic, the world number three, is the man who made it his business to stop the Swiss from snatching yet another slam.
But does the epic hammering thats taken place really mark the beginning of the end for the Feds as the tennis god?

Anyway, whatever happens to the once almighty Swiss in the later coming tennis tournaments, I now know for a fact that every little thing that flies has to land one day! No one is invincible!

The sport columns are full of bitter titles like; *Federer brutally hammered by the young Serb, Novak Djokovic, in the semi final of Australian Open 2011!* Crazy, right? It's always been the other way round...
And no, I refuse to talk about what happened to Raphael Nadal...for personal reasons...
So It looks like it's going to be Djokovic against Andy Murray on Sunday night at Rod Laver...that is, If the Brit manages to swing past David Ferrer.

Women's tennis is another huge disappointment. Aaaaargh! No need to waste space writing about amateurs and slamless world number ones...

******

Fashion felonies at the AUS open.

I'm dog tired from self sleep-starvation so I won't stay long here.
But to digress a bit, have you ever thought of why we use the expression "dog tired"? Why not "cat tired", or "rat tired"?
I think everyone should be allowed to put an animal of their preference before the adjective TIRED in the expression. Freedom of speech, right?

Quite a number of blood baths today in Melbourne where the first of the tennis slams is taking place. The normally speedy Feds Express almost got halted, The tennis supermodel screamed her sexy self into third round. But the highlight of the day was Venus Williams unforgiveable fashion felony. *smh* I can not find the right English word that gives the peculiarity of what Miss Williams was clad in its essence. My hubby, whom I diagnosed of severe "blindness" myself, even noticed and commented on the attire. As for me, I'll probably need quite a good number of lifetimes to get over the mental and emotional disturbance that the dress has caused me.

Quote of the day:

"Don't sweat small stuff...it's just small stuff." Richard Carlson (1997).

It sucks I can't talk to you!
Especially now that I'm itching to share with you this great news of a B.A becoming a parent.
Yes, a B.A, your partner in "socket" movement.
He's finally reproduced...a little lad.
The man of God was having sex after all. Unbelievable! Lol.
Anyway, It's your responsibility to turn this little lad into an excellent "socketer".
...
Really, how does one erase a big chunk of yesterday from their memory without murdering the hippocampus?
And the bad news is, I still have a couple of decades till my mental disorder becomes full blown Alzheimer's disease. Till then I'll have to make do with dramatic monologue:)

Today's fact:

Missing someone has never been a crime!

Hey G,

Melbourne started beautifully last night. No casualties, no weather disruptions.
I'm more excited about this year's grand slams than ever before. My plan is to enjoy each and every one of them as much as possible in case the world truly ends next year:) Damn, I'm so not looking forward to going to heaven. Oops, hell, I meant to say. Hubby reminds me every day about how scary earth has become. Global recession, floods, dead birds falling from the sky etc. He's convinced all mentioned are true signs of imminent doom.
Anyway, whatever shall be, shall be!

Back to Melbourne, Maria Sharapova eased through to the second round. It seems she's upped her game, as well as put more volume to her grunts. If I'm not mistaken, I think last night the famous grunts broke a new record. They were a little bit beyond their usual 102 decibels. A sign of danger from Maria. The louder the grunts get, the more agressive she becomes.
Apart from the loud grunts that almost deafened my soul, the former world number one looked good to chow as usual. Immaculate should be the word. I didn't really fancy her dress, though. I thought the orange part didnt really mingle with the ash colour, therefore robbed the dress most of it's beauty. But well, she still looked good, that's all that matters.
Venus Williams also made it to the to the second round gracefully. And how over-the-top she looked in that sexy blue dress! She's for real fast becoming a fashionable force to reckon, this older Miss Williams. I find myself looking forward to seeing what she'd be wearing next.
In mens the Feds didn't waste time upsetting his opponent in straight sets. The dashing Americano And Roddick also progressed to the second round. But my highlight of the night was Gael Monfils coming back from two sets down to win his opening match. His opponent must be seriously depressed right now. In women's, Former champion Justine Henin also came back from a brink of defeat against Sania Mirza of India. Francesca Schiovone also defied fate.

Tonight Raphael Nadal, Jo-Wilfred Tsonga, Kim Clijsters, Dinara Safina and Jelena Jankovic all in action.

Today's fact:

Human beings were better off as small-brained apes. Evolution messed earth up in the most frightening way!

If you are a man, bearded and breastless, but you dislike any sort of sport and live for pop music, there's a very fat chance that you "like" other men - you are what the modern world calls "gay", "homosexual". No need to go all suicidal now, just come out of the closet and start living your life. It's no criminal offence to be different.
If you are a woman, bearded and breastless, extremely excellent at sport, with an obsession for rock music, follow the advice above.

Finally Melbourne begins today at midnight. Yay!
The tennis goddess, Maria Sharapova will open play at Rod Laver arena in exactly seven hours from now.
This year I don't really have a favourite from the womens side since Serena is out. But I'll be cheering for V a great deal. You could say she is my favourite, I guess, but I know she won't win. V, unlike her younger sister, has never been successful in Australia. Anyhow, I have no qualms on who wins it at the end of the day. In mens I'm rooting for Rafa :) as usual. My heart wants Djokovic to shine, but my mind knows Rafa isn't done shining yet. All in all, I anticipate fourteen full days of merriment!

Today's lesson:

Never shy away from being different:)