One day, I woke up, and decided I didn't want to believe in the most feared Deity above anymore. I tell you, I have never felt more free and in control!
Today, I woke up, and decided I don't need the literature degree I've been studying for the past year. I've learnt and I'm wiser than I was before last year. That's it guys, I'm shamelessly calling it QUITS!
Come on, go ahead...say it. I know you want to...
Well, yes, I am a quitter. Leaving unfinished businesses is my business.
When things get tedious and uninteresting, I quit and move on to other alluring adventures. Forever chasing the chase, that's me! I'm allergic to boredom:)
Not that the "Literary world" got to that stale point (the way most things in my life do) that I was forced to quit, no! It was actually unbelievably lakker! And to add pepper to a well salted roasted steak, I took to it like a duck takes to water. Or the way a fly takes to waste...
You are now probably wondering why I quit if the course was such an enjoyment?
Well, after getting my end of year results, which I'm not ashamed to say were above average, I realised the pointlessness of my continuing with the degree. With that delicious result in my hand, I feel I have finally proven a very imperative point: I am a competent creature of literature...with or without a degree! Literature resides in my blood, bones and guts. Literature is "I"!
My family and friends are greatly disheartened by my decision not to finish the degree, but I'm not budging. Done I am with late night studying...
To hell with oppressive exams. They are the bane of my existence!
In general, school makes me feel like a caged bird. It always did. And I'd rather be dead than be kept in a cage.

Ok, so school is out. But there are a million other exciting things I wanna do with my life. Things that won't put tabs on me. Like rewarding my family, particulary my children, with the best and most of my time. I can never go wrong with that. A guileless smile on Orama's toothless grimace is all I need to make my soul joyfully leap with tenderness. A squeaky chuckle from tiny Titch is worth a million dollar degree. And a look of raw love from my man is everything I need. Books have already stolen so much of my precious time with my family. I'm not making that mistake again. I don't want to wake up one day and realise my boys have grown a forest of beard in my absence. I want to be there every step of the way...
Obtaining a degree isn't the ultimate for me! My family's happiness is.


THE EXHUSTION THAT COMES WITH HAVING MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES

Hannah,
Who is she, really?
Oh, how I wish I knew!

The thing is, I've for a long time hid behind my alters and I'm now a bit wound up about who ME is. Sometimes I created the alters to dodge pain bestowed upon me. And other times I did it to kill familiarity. Lately I feel like I've totally lost myself in these multiple personalities I acquired along the way - I have lost the real me.
For so long I've jumped from alter to alter...living life as these imageries I'd form in my fantasies. Now I don't feel like I know who I am anymore.
It gets really dark at times. Especially when other people get hurt in the process. I'd never intentionally inflict pain on a fly. Nor would I wish an albino cockroach, despite my profound aversion for it, any discomfort. But I've unwittinly hurt so many other human beings while living in my fantasies. No one understands... No one gets it.
I'm a being divided in two. Physically, I'm there, breathing the air we all breathe in. Mentally, I'm in a different planet all together, rubbing shoulders with aliens. It's exhausting!!!

Well Graceful, don't lose any sleep over my surrealness. I'm just a soul searching for her soul. I may never find it!
So bear with me...
*******

*The lame moment when Chelsea gets held in their first game of the English premier league. I'm annoyed!

*People think tennis is a matter of life and death...well, it goes beyond life, or death...I can assure you. When Serena is fit and serene on court, tennis is much more than a matter of life and death! (I stole the line above from Bill Shankly).

If my favourite Williams "chic" grabs the Cincinnati title, I will ask her to marry me:)

** after all is said and done, I still strongly believe in love - the eternal connection of two souls. But I'm now wise enough to know that the gripping, sizzling, real intense kind of love never exists in the real world - Only in literature - where Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff have real faces...and blood racing in their veins - and in a world of imagination - fantasy - where the sky in never the limit.

Oh, how I love literature...where all is possible...
Oh, how my mind hankers for the world of imagination...where life never gets boring...
But reality betrays me...