Venus Williams pulls out of the US Open...

The tennis world is greatly and genuinely disheartened by Venus Williams withdrawal from the US Open due to an illness. The seven times grand slam champion announced last night that she had been diagnosed of an autoimmune disease (sjogren's syndrome) and would be unable to continue at the US Open. Very sad! I hope V gets better the soonest. But for now I guess Serena is forced to fly the Williams mighty flag alone at the US:(

Flushing Meadows Day 3

The mighty Miss Serena Wiliams, mightier than ever before, began the battle for her fourth US Slam title last night in front of thousands of giddy creatures at Arthur stadium, New York. In less than an hour, Miss Williams who hasn't been at Flushing Meadows since her misdemeanour in 2009, had already dispatched her opponent to the great delight of yours truly. A huge well done to her!

Venus Williams is in action tonight against Sabine Lisick. I wish her well. Lisick can sometimes be quite disrespectful towards former number ones. Venus definitely needs her best game!
****

Tomorrow, the 1st of September 2011, I send my last born baby, Tj, to the slavery called school. I'm having a soak in my own tears. I fail to decipher how time has flown so ridiculously quickly! Why can't we keep these "animals" little forever?

Flushing Meadows day 2

Goodmorrrrning Earth, Hurricane Irene did us all tennis freaks a favour and left Flushing Meadows "uninjured"! Good stuff.

Here is some of yesterday's US Open tennis 2011 results; Venus Williams advanced, dodging first casualty, with ease. So did the Feds Express. But I can't say the same for Maria Sharapova. Her road to second round wasn't that smooth. The former world numero uno played her opening match against the British teen, Heather Watson, who had one murderous plan. Shame it didn't work out for her...Heather's murderous plan...to the disappointment of the Brits. Sharapova dropped the first set, strugglingly took the second and finished the deciding like a proper pro she is. Well done to her! And to Heather for showing the world that she can take on former world number ones without so much as sweat dripping from her soul.

Miss Serena Williams plays her opening match tonight. I've sprained a couple of nerves in anticipation!
I tell you, there is nothing that scares the core of my soul more than watching Serena play her first match. It never matters what tournament. I guess my fear has more to do with the "fear" of first casualty. It's always there...the fear of first casualty. No matter how big a player.
*****

On sunday, I watched the movies For Colored Girls and Precious one after the other. I ended up getting depressed! The movies have a lot of issues, man... Putrid issues!
But I pacified my injured soul with Bad Teacher. I love Cameron Diaz. She's such a "Chic"!

Finally got my claws on Beyonce's 4! I'm elated! However, I haven't yet made up my mind about most of the tracks in it. I absolutely love "I was here". In a weird way, I feel it talks about me...lol And I think "Start over" is the best in there. Beyonce genuinely put her whole soul into the song. And the depth of feeling and maturity in the lyrics is profound. I love it!
All in all, I don't think the album is as fierce as Shasa Fierce - my opinion - I'm entitled to it:)
****

My honourable hubby has a cold...(he's not faking this time) koma eeeeh...the exaggeration...one would think the dude is about to siya ze ufa! Men are a true conundrum!

Flushing Meadows 2011.

So Beyonce finally has a life growing inside her! Shweeet!!!
Earth is exhilarated!
I wish Miss Knowles the very best of the morbid morning sickness and heartburn.
And I pray the baby doesn't look like its dad...lol

Well, that's that. Jay-z and B have been sexing... it's ok. Let's now concentrate on what's happening in New York City at Flushing Meadows.
It's ON, baby!
It's SO ON...
I mean the last tennis slam of the year...
You should all see the smile on my soul...

I really really really...
I mean, really want to write about how Arsenal FC got viciously "RAPED" and "Impregnated" with octuplets this afternoon at Old Trafford...
I really really want to give my sage opinion on the sad matter, but eeeish...I'm quite speechless with the news, myself.

Really, how does such a giant, most revered football club like Arsenal allow itself to get "ManHandled" in such a soul shattering fashion?
*SMDH*

Football, such a harsh game!
At the beginning of this year, I told myself that I wasn't going to follow both the Premier and champions league to save my heart from breaking. But I realise I lied to myself. I'm deeply stuck into this destructive marriage with Chelsea. No matter how badly I get hurt, no matter how sadly I cry, I still go back to Chelsea. The "Guy" has a serious hold on my damn soul, it's crazy!
I didn't know pain can be so addictive.

Anyway, I guess now it's time for me to help the mourners at Emirates mourn loudly and reflect on the shite that's upon them.
Amen!
****

The hurricane wants to piss on my tennis; well f*** it!

If you spell my name like this: "Hana", then your existence is inexistent to me.
If you spell it like this: "Hanna", then you deserve everlasting affliction...

To neanderthals who take pleasure in stripping my name naked, it ends today!
****

Dear Chelsea FC,

I'm breaking up with you.

Yours forever,
Hannah!
***

To all tennis freaks, Flushing Meadows commences Monday, the 29th of August. Let's see if Novak Djokovic can maintain his unconquerable streak.
#I'm a SerenaTard eternally!

Last night, I fell asleep on the couch while watching cartoons with my youngest son. I knew I was sleeping, yet I felt so much awake. I have no idea how long I stayed in that zombish state, but the next thing I saw, but with my eyes closed, was the tv in front of me... It had mysteriously taken some sort of human form and was saying if I didn't go to bed in fifteen counts, it would come and swallow me up. Yes, the tv said that...
Within a tick of a second, I had my son in one hand, and the phone in the other, flying up the stairs like a mad mother eagle high on crack.

***I'm a dead man walking!

***Ndamupeza Gaddafi. Iye ndi banja lake aku chiller in my crib:)

Hallucinations and Dreams!

Yesterday, the eeriest...most uncanny...most unearthly thing happened to me...
Again...
I'm losing my marbles...
uu

Being a music junkie, HMV is like my second home. I'm there more times than a jailbird is in jail.
So yeah, yesterday, as usual, I graced this second home of mine with one of my many graceful visits. I was looking for something youthful and Innovative to add to my tired, obsolete music collection. I feel music is like an underwear - it needs to be changed every day...

Ok, so there I were, making the grandest, most anxious entrance into HMV - my heart doing happy flips in my sternum in anticipation... Then suddenly, all froze! One by one my dreadlocks stood still in my head, my heart turned into a motionless iceberg. I literally felt my blood freeze in my veins. There, In front of me, stood a very familiar but yet unfamiliar face. Its dark lifeless eyes pierced right through mine, straight to my soul. Staring at it with palpable emptiness...
I tried to vigorously shake myself awake. But I realised I was already awake. Then I squeezed my eyes tightly shut. I thought if I did that then the eerie image in my head would disappear...
I damn wish I had kept my eyes open!

All went pitch black the moment my eyelids shut.
Everything and everyone vanished into the blackness.
It was just me and the strange eyes. Its face had disappeared too.
Then I heard a sound...like that of an earthquake.
It was a voice...
It was saying to me, "You are so coming with me."
I tried to run, but my legs were stagnated at one place.
I tried to scream, but my voice was frozen in my larynx
The eyes were walking swiftly towards where I was...
A strong stench of something dark engulfed me
It was that of death.
The eyes were now a cm away. I had almost surrendered to my fate.

"Ma'am, ma'am, can I help you?" Asked a woman's voice.
I looked up. A shop assistant was standing beside me. I didn't answer her. Instead, I continued to stare listlessly right in front of me, searching for those eyes I had just seen in my hallucination. They were gone. Only a giant poster of Amy Winehouse stood there.
"Ma'am, are you ok?" The shop assistant asked once more with concern in her soft voice.
I stared at her blankly for about a minute while I tried to stop myself from shivering. Then I turned and exited the shop. For good!

I've been hallucinating a lot lately. And my dreams get darker and spookier. At times they are so vivid, I can touch them. As soon as I hit the pillow, it begins. Sometimes it's the dead, or the boogeyman. Other times just darkness. It spooks me more than the ghosts and the boogeyman, the darkness. It's the coldest, the most cruel...

The boogeyman has no face. But I know it has a human shape and wears dark clothes. It pays me more visits than the ghosts or the darkness.
The boogeyman never changes its routine. Its approach is always the same. As soon as sleep takes over, there it comes. First I hear my bedroom door so slowly opening, then the dark faceless shape in dark clothing enters and makes its way to my bed. It walks on tiptoes. Always!
These days I've learnt not to scream anymore when "Boogey" pays me a visit. No one hears me. Mostly this unnatural visitor of mine just sits there and watches me sweat with fear. But there are times when it has sex with me. It's a feeling I can't put into words... Other times it just roughly sucks on my boobs. And when it's angry it smothers me. My husband thinks I should go to the black doctors and get help. He stays awake most nights just to look at me while I'm restlessly asleep. He says it's scary what I do and say while deep in slumber. But he never sees the what I see. He never sees the boogeyman. Even when he's right there ravishing me.
The ghosts are normally easier to deal with. Mostly it's my dad, or grandma. I usually just tell them to fuck off.

The darkness is another story...
Maybe one day I'll have sufficient courage to write about it.

One day, I woke up, and decided I didn't want to believe in the most feared Deity above anymore. I tell you, I have never felt more free and in control!
Today, I woke up, and decided I don't need the literature degree I've been studying for the past year. I've learnt and I'm wiser than I was before last year. That's it guys, I'm shamelessly calling it QUITS!
Come on, go ahead...say it. I know you want to...
Well, yes, I am a quitter. Leaving unfinished businesses is my business.
When things get tedious and uninteresting, I quit and move on to other alluring adventures. Forever chasing the chase, that's me! I'm allergic to boredom:)
Not that the "Literary world" got to that stale point (the way most things in my life do) that I was forced to quit, no! It was actually unbelievably lakker! And to add pepper to a well salted roasted steak, I took to it like a duck takes to water. Or the way a fly takes to waste...
You are now probably wondering why I quit if the course was such an enjoyment?
Well, after getting my end of year results, which I'm not ashamed to say were above average, I realised the pointlessness of my continuing with the degree. With that delicious result in my hand, I feel I have finally proven a very imperative point: I am a competent creature of literature...with or without a degree! Literature resides in my blood, bones and guts. Literature is "I"!
My family and friends are greatly disheartened by my decision not to finish the degree, but I'm not budging. Done I am with late night studying...
To hell with oppressive exams. They are the bane of my existence!
In general, school makes me feel like a caged bird. It always did. And I'd rather be dead than be kept in a cage.

Ok, so school is out. But there are a million other exciting things I wanna do with my life. Things that won't put tabs on me. Like rewarding my family, particulary my children, with the best and most of my time. I can never go wrong with that. A guileless smile on Orama's toothless grimace is all I need to make my soul joyfully leap with tenderness. A squeaky chuckle from tiny Titch is worth a million dollar degree. And a look of raw love from my man is everything I need. Books have already stolen so much of my precious time with my family. I'm not making that mistake again. I don't want to wake up one day and realise my boys have grown a forest of beard in my absence. I want to be there every step of the way...
Obtaining a degree isn't the ultimate for me! My family's happiness is.


THE EXHUSTION THAT COMES WITH HAVING MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES

Hannah,
Who is she, really?
Oh, how I wish I knew!

The thing is, I've for a long time hid behind my alters and I'm now a bit wound up about who ME is. Sometimes I created the alters to dodge pain bestowed upon me. And other times I did it to kill familiarity. Lately I feel like I've totally lost myself in these multiple personalities I acquired along the way - I have lost the real me.
For so long I've jumped from alter to alter...living life as these imageries I'd form in my fantasies. Now I don't feel like I know who I am anymore.
It gets really dark at times. Especially when other people get hurt in the process. I'd never intentionally inflict pain on a fly. Nor would I wish an albino cockroach, despite my profound aversion for it, any discomfort. But I've unwittinly hurt so many other human beings while living in my fantasies. No one understands... No one gets it.
I'm a being divided in two. Physically, I'm there, breathing the air we all breathe in. Mentally, I'm in a different planet all together, rubbing shoulders with aliens. It's exhausting!!!

Well Graceful, don't lose any sleep over my surrealness. I'm just a soul searching for her soul. I may never find it!
So bear with me...
*******

*The lame moment when Chelsea gets held in their first game of the English premier league. I'm annoyed!

*People think tennis is a matter of life and death...well, it goes beyond life, or death...I can assure you. When Serena is fit and serene on court, tennis is much more than a matter of life and death! (I stole the line above from Bill Shankly).

If my favourite Williams "chic" grabs the Cincinnati title, I will ask her to marry me:)

** after all is said and done, I still strongly believe in love - the eternal connection of two souls. But I'm now wise enough to know that the gripping, sizzling, real intense kind of love never exists in the real world - Only in literature - where Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff have real faces...and blood racing in their veins - and in a world of imagination - fantasy - where the sky in never the limit.

Oh, how I love literature...where all is possible...
Oh, how my mind hankers for the world of imagination...where life never gets boring...
But reality betrays me...

Randomness...

Today I have learnt that life never gives anyone living a full break! Maybe you are thinking, "what's happened to her now?" Well, life is shite! Just when I thought my creativity on page (which for some time has been fast asleep) had finally made that eternal resurrection, just when the muse to pick up a pencil had again settled nicely in me, my stupid computer hard drive decided to have a fatal crashing of its own. I feel so helpless! A good big chunk of my life has been stolen from me: The new project I was working on, my memorabilia, my music...even Insanity Resides on Facebook is gone... I'm DONE for! So done for!! ******* And on top of all the shite, Amy Winehouse's ghost seems to be relishing in haunting me. Last night I had exactly the same nightmare I'd had the night she passed on. I saw Glass pipes, kush, snow, booze, all jiving in the moonlight. Then suddenly came Amy's sad face... I woke up, drenching wet...as if I had spent the entire night swimming in my own sweat. I'm beyond spooked! Now as I write this, Back to Black is playing in the background. I've lost count how many times I've listened to the album since Amy died. It's excellent beyond excellence. But the lyrics are dark, man. They give your soul a blinding smack that leaves your whole life with a tangible shining mark... Why is it that the profoundly talented seem to be more prone to self harm and destruction? Like Billie Holiday, or Brenda Fassie, or Whitney Houston? I wonder what message of significance Amy Winehouse's ghost has for me... If it's my mum sending her because she's posthumously worried about my glue-sniffing habit, then I get it. I'll STOP! ****** Sometime back I decided to turn off my spell check on both my computer (sadly deceased now) and iPhone. This decision was made with an aim to challenge, but also confront the extent of my illiteracy. But today I realise technology has me tightly by the balls. I can't do without any of it. I'm too bloody attached to machines. Well, at least I tried. And failed. Maybe I'll try again one day. I'll probably fail again. But I know I'll fail better then. ****** This is obviously the longest blog I've scribbled since last month. It's because I've been so busy trying to put my second book together. Now with my hard drive dead, it seems Insanity Resides on Facebook won't have a friend. Talking about Insanity Resides on Facebook, it's doing quite well - especially on Amazon. Better that I had ever expected. People who've read it have wondered why I chose to write my first born book in the style it's written in? Almost like a personal diary??? Well, because I didn't want to give anybody a chance to question or scrutinise my dodgy literary skills. Critics do an excellent job of crashing hope in young writers. They are ruthless! So you may say I was a bit terrified... ****** No, I refuse to talk about the riots in the UK Or politics in Malawi No, I refuse to open my mouth about the English premier league and it's heartbreaks... But give me tennis, anytime! The US Open Grand Slam starts on the 29th of August, 2011. I'm getting drunk with anticipation. ***** Finally, JLo back together with Diddy! Damn shame, dame!!! Love is definitely a losing game!

Leo number 2 Exits the womb...

Happy Birthday Tichatonga "Mophead" Dauramanzi!
"Everyday I find my little heart loving you a little bit more..."
And more...
And a whole LOT MORE!


***It takes more than courage to share my household space with two raging "Lions" and a mad "Ram", and loving them unconditionally!!!

Terrific Tuesday.

I've come to a harrowing conclusion that psychoanalysis is esoteric for only the intellectually PSYCHOTIC! I almost lost my sane mind in the insane labyrinth of Oedipus complexity. Adios Freud! Hope your path and mine never cross ever again!

***Today's lesson: Ninety-nine percent of the times, I don't say what I mean...or feel what I say. And only a percent of these times, do I truly mean what I write. So don't take me too seriously. For my own life falls short of seriousness!

Happy Birthday Roger Federer!

As the "Feds Express" skids right into his 30th birthday, I am having a soul to soul with psychoanalysis. It's some real dope shite! The deeper I get into it, the more I'm convinced that Freud's psychosis was ineluctable.

**Today's fact: A real man takes his wife's surname:)

A tormented soul.

Yes, I've got dreadlocks
Yes, I sometimes light up a spliff or two...
To balance up my unbalanced emotions
Yes, I'm obsessed with disliking our friends with no "pigmentation".
Mind you, by saying "friends with no pigmentation", I don't exactly mean the albinos
And yes, I write...
Nonsense that no one wants to read usually, but that doesn't stop me!
I'm a soul tormented by words
Tortured
Mutilated...
To a point of total madness!
I wanna write
And write
Till there's nothing left to write.
I wanna grab every single tiny thought in my thoughts
Put it down on page...before it evaporates into eternal nothingness.
I wanna blow some life into it
Immortalise it...

Yes, I'm a soul haunted by words.

Goodmorning earthlings, it's Thursday today; obey your THIrst:)

Dealing with some very serious existential issues.
What purpose was I put here on earth for?
My soul seems to have detached itself from my emotions. I'm a robot!

And on top of this existential crisis, I think timidity has furtively crept into my reserves of creativity. I feel like a real GIANT fart!

Happy Birthday TJ!

Cake time


Tj's day...

On saturday, the 30th of July, 2011, my littlest "animal" Tj hit four years. I can't stop the tears from rolling...

Really, what does a mother do when the youngest fruit of her loin suddenly and quickly becomes a little man of his own little mind?

It stills feels like yesterday when I pushed the little boy out of my womb into this mad world... now he is four going on forty...

What else does a mother say...

***I'm so emotional now...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BOY!!!