Adios amigo

I've just realized I haven't written anything worth reading for a long time on this blog. A very long time! That's so uncool of me! And painfully lazy of me.

Just imagine;

Serena Williams won her second French Open title this year and I didn't write about it. Damn, I just can't believe I actually didn't write about it.

My sister got a new boyfriend who looks like a movie star during easter holidays and I didn't write about it. Oh I certainly can't believe I didn't write about it.

A lot has happened and I haven't written anything about it. Jesus I can't believe I haven't even bothered to write anything about anything

Well I guess the end that has always been approaching finally arrived without my noticing it. This is it: I'M DONE BLOGGING. Time to concentrate on other bigger fishes in the ocean...

Here is to summarize 4 full years of blogging;

There is no word in my vocabulary that can properly describe what a brilliant companion and friend Graceful (that's the name of the blog for those who didn't know) has been over the years.

A few times I wrote when I was happy. Other times I wrote when I was mad at this heartless world. But most of all, I wrote when I was sad, confused and at loggerheads with myself. And in all these times Graceful was right there by my side and for that I'll always be grateful. 

Now that's I've had the cure for my malady, all demons exorcised, it's time to march on with life on my own. Step by step onto the ice while I hold my breath... Though I know I'll never be truly and completely ok especially emotionally, though a part of me will always be bothered by the wicked echoes of the past, one thing is for certain; I WILL NEVER LOOK BACK; I CAN NEVER LOOK BACK!! Unlike Lot's wife, the thought of turning into a crust of salt doesn't appeal to me so I won't even be tempted. 

Goodbye Graceful!

Orama's 1st Holy communion after party...

After having the holy bread that tastes like nothing, we partied a storm...

Orama's 1st Holy Communion

On May the 18th, 2013, my 8 year old boy received Jesus as his personal savior. 

He told me the holy bread tastes like nothing. Lol

Craig Russell Nkunga - 18 December 1979 - 30 April 2008

Five years ago today, death cruelly stole my only brother never to return him.
Words never can describe the aching emptiness left deep in my soul, nor shall the unstoppable tears I've shed fill it.

Craig dear,
I sincerely pray there's a life after death. That way you and I can say the things we didn't say, and do the things we didn't do.

Keep resting well darling bro!

Soul Provider...

Talk about love,
Talk about trust,
Talk about forever Hannah, when we talk about us.
Give you my world,
Stick to my guns,
Believe me when I tell you Hannah, that we've just begun...

Hannah, I wanna be
Your soul provider...

Oh my!!!
Haven't listened to the sweet sounds of Michael Bolton in five years.
Had almost forgotten how exceptionally woozy this musical genius makes me feel.
Viva Michael Bolton!
Even with your lovely long hair shaved, you're still the greatest. The magic that made you "what" you are wasn't in your hair, but your vocals, and deep down your soul.

Love to infinity and beyond.

Hannah Bolton.

Happy 8th birthday Orama

That's my 8 year old lad over there. New age, new haircut.
Born on the 8th of April 2005 at 11.39pm. My biggest pride!

RIP Chinualumogu Achebe

Even though I still strongly think that as a writer, Achebe was overhyped, I have to appreciate and agree with the fact that the guy had plenty of boldness in him to stand up for what he believed in. He just was fearless that way. Never the one to mince words in his writing. Achebe wrote facts. Only facts, and that made his literary work irresistible.
That is all I have to say... For now...

RIP

These are a few of my "unfavorite" things...

Maria Von Trapp of Sound of Music was as poor as a church toad. But she still had a long list of favorite things.
Sometimes I sit through the night imagining myself in her old tattered shoes... I try my hardest to envision myself In that "ugliest of the dresses Bridgitta Von Trapp rudely said she ever had seen". But for obvious reasons, my imaginations don't materialize. They will never do!
I am Hannah Nkunga, not Maria Von Trapp. And unlike Maria, I am allergic to poverty. I don't have a long list of favourite things either. What I have instead is a list of the opposite. A long list of "unfavourite" things.

Here are some of them:

Shopping.
Shopping.
Shopping.
Lipstick.
Eye shadow.
Eye shadow.
Eye liner.
Twizzers.
Plucked eyebrows.
Drawn eyebrows.
Drawn eyebrows.
Drawn eyebrows.
Drawn eyebrows.
Maths.
Maths.
Maths.
Frogs.
Frogs.
Men who cheat on their wives.
Men who cheat on their wives and are stupid enough to get caught.
Men who cheat on their wives and are stupid enough to get caught.
Men who cheat on their wives and are stupid enough to get caught.
Men who cheat on their wives, stupidly get caught in the act and lie through their "36" teeth about it, blaming everything on the other woman.
Women whose whole world revolves around their men.
Women whose whole world revolves around their men.
Weaves.
Weaves.
Wigs.
Wigs.
Women who catch their men cheating but confront the other woman instead.
Women who catch their men cheating but confront the other woman instead.
Lizards.
Crocs.
Snakes.
Men who father children and run away from them.
Men who father children and run away from them.
Women who always give irresponsible men an excuse.

These are a few of my "unfavourite" things.

Even at my happiest, most ecstatic moment, a slight thought of one of the above is enough to turn me into a coldblooded murderer...

*the list is intentionally repetitive**

We find love in hopeless places...

Woman

The sex that's fairer.
The sex that's stronger.
The sex that runs the world.

Woman.

Also known as the x chromosome.

And if I were to be given another chance to go back to the day of my conception - if I were to be given another choice to make between the x and y chromosomes - to choose which one of the two I'd rather become and spend the rest of my breathing days on earth as, I definitely wouldn't make a different choice...

Yes, I am a woman.

The sex that's fairer.
The sex that's stronger.
The sex that runs the world!

Happy woman's day to all women all over earth.

The best Valentine's gifts...

I know in my last post I rambled on and on about how I don't believe in true love...
Please forgive the errors of my cynical thoughts at that particular moment that led to the nonsense on my page. I was feeling like porridge and everything just seemed unexciting dull hence the post.
I still believe in true love. Only the type between mother and child. Lol. The other most talked about love is overrated!

Look what the two loves of my life wrote me for valentine!
I'm beyond wordless!!!
I've always wanted a thoughtful letter for my valentines gift. Now my children have fulfilled my dream. Aint I the luckiest mummy ever?
Oh yes, I am!

***The well written one is from my first child, Orama. He's 8 this April. Can you believe how well he writes at only 7 years of age? I only learnt how to write in cursive when I was in secondary school. At 7 I was still basking in illiteracy. Couldn't read or write. Kids of today are in a hurray.

Bear with my wee boy TJ. He's only 5 and still learning how to write. But he can read very well. He's actually the best reader in his class. Likes playing around with words. Guess he's a bit like mummy. Lol

The Itch...

Ah!
I don't know...
I really don't know!
This is one of the days when, without a reasonable explanation, I just persistently feel like yesterday's porridge :(
Don't get me wrong here, I don't mean that I feel like "having" yesterday's porridge, no. Not in that sense. I feel like the actual porridge. Yes, yesterday's porridge, to make it worse. Just cold and flat!!! Unexciting.
Have you ever felt like that before?
Well, I wouldn't think so.

What exactly is the point of this post?
Why am I here scribbling pointlessness?
I also have no clue, really. So bear with me. Having lost my muse to connect with a page, my creativity having passed away, I'm a purposeless soul...
A purposeless soul with only an itch...

Ok.
That is that.
Let me ramble about how my day has been today.
Unexciting, to begin with. Just like me. Flat!
The day itself actually began on a very low note. Firstly, I dreamt I was dead. Yes, I dreamt I had kicked the bucket. It really freaked me out!
So the first thing I did when I woke up was to tell my husband and sister never to put me in a casket and bury me when I die. The thing is, I'm very claustrophobic. Seriously claustrophobic! Even in death, being closed up in something as "tight"as a casket and buried underneath earth would be seriously oppressive and traumatic for me. I'd still suffocate long after having ceased to breathe. So unless you want my soul to wander all over earth haunting other souls, you might as well do what I want; cremate me.

Secondly later in the day some stupid soul made it their personal business to send me an email about true love.
The first thing I did upon reading the title heading was frown. Then I asked myself this question: "Do humans still believe in this thing called love, let alone "true" love?"
But most importantly, I asked myself this: "Do I believe in true love?"
Well, once upon a millennium, I really and truly believed that God created human souls in pairs and separated them upon their arrival to earth to see if they can find each other again later in life.
But then reality taught me differently.
Now, not only do I question God's existence, I also have serious doubts about this thing called love.
Humans are incapable of kindness and compassion, so obviously they wouldn't be capable of love let alone true love.

I'm done here.
Good luck!

WE

A price for stupidity

I can't wait till Chris Brown gives Rihanna a sweet thrashing once again. This time I want a couple of teeth out.
Nothing would give me a greater amount of satisfaction than seeing these words - YOU TOLD ME SO - clearly and regretfully written on Rihanna's beautifully battered face!

We all at one point have to pay a great price for being daft. That's why we are what we are - human. But there's nothing dafter than committing the same sin twice.

According to my idol Judge Judy, there are two types of human males: MEN and BUMS.
I'm afraid Chris Brown falls under the latter type and there can never be a miraculous transformation.

Good luck, Rihanna!
You surely need more and more of it.
Plus a gun.

Blogging...

My blog has been viewed for the 9000th time today!
Here's is to more blogging!!!

YOU in my Dreams

Dreams...

What exactly defines a dream?
What important role do dreams have in our every day lives?
And what's the difference between a dream and this thing we call reality?

Despite the sad fact that these questions cause inexplicable havoc in my ever-inquiring mind, they still remain unanswered. Why why why??? Even Sigmund Freud's theory on dreams doesn't appease my monstrous curiosity. Instead, it leaves me with even more questions. Call it a pile of unanswered questions. It's frustrating!
Ok. I understand that some questions are never meant to be answered, but on this one I anguishly need answers. Sensible answers! At least an explanation that has a semblance of sense.

Why do we have dreams?

Perhaps you, on the other side, are questioning what brought this whole post on?

Well, I had YOU visiting my dreams again last night. That hasn't taken place for a long time. A very long time! The dream was so painfully vivid it took me the whole 24 hours to accept it was just a dream.

Here is what took place...

For some reason I had found myself in the beautiful "Peninsula of Fine Wines", if you know what I mean. I knew YOU lived there but truthfully didn't expect us to meet especially in such a vast place. But as I was leisurely strolling around the city to nowhere in my sweats and runners, there came a face my heart knew so well...
Your face.
For a minute I was transfixed, unable to move or think a thought. And when the shock had subsided, I had the most powerful urge to sprint straight into your familiar arms. YOU were at that moment coming towards me at a very slow pace with your head down. You hadn't noticed me yet. But before I could even think of getting my feet to move, I unexpectedly remembered all the hurt... all the pain... and all the fuckery that YOU and I had caused each other, and others. So I, with all the might, willed myself not to do the unthinkable. Instead I kept walking, hoping for the inescapable...
Then came a familiar velvet voice calling my name. Your voice. It sounded exactly the same. And the way YOU said my name... It was exactly the same way YOU always used to say it. I looked up and your captivating eyes instantly met mine. We stared at each other longingly for what seemed like a decade. Neither YOU nor I uttered a word. My heart was in the mean time threatening to jump out of my ribcage.
Before I knew it, reason and resistance had deserted me. I was left alone with YOU so close, and this gigantically hungry longing that was fiercely nagging and gnawing at my soul. I knew something had to be done. This hungry, angry feeling had to be taken care of right there and then. And the person with the right equipment to sort it out was right there with me. It was now or never. So I mustered sufficient courage and asked YOU to at give me a hug. Cheeky me! Lol Of course YOU hesitated. I immediately understood why and was about to continue with my stroll when YOU suddenly grabbed my hand pulled me back. The next second we were lovingly wrapped up in each other's arms, both of us in tears that had been long left unshed. We stayed like that for a long long time. Both of us wishing time would stand still for eternity. I could feel your strong heartbeat reverberating in my sternum. It produced the sweetest melody and my heart responded to it with a sensual dance that sent delicious shockwaves to the rest of my body. Our two hearts were finally together making the tastiest, most sugary love. Everything felt so right. Beautifully right in fact. Only it didn't feel right enough to be RIGHT. So I hesitantly pulled myself away from YOU. My YOU! It hurt!! Oh God, it hurt!!! It hurt so damn bad to pull away. For the second time my soul was flooded in tears. Tears full of pain. Tears filled with regret. But I was also smiling through them. I looked at your loving face and saw the reflection of what I was feeling staring back at me. You were also feeling the exact feeling I was feeling. Pain and regret... And then.. defeat. Somehow we both knew this was goodbye. We had finally accepted defeat and were ready to go on ahead in different directions towards different destinies. Suddenly it didn't hurt anymore.
I looked at YOU one last time as if memorize your face and silently took a step towards the opposite direction. I didn't look back. But I felt your eyes on me till I disappeared with the road...

And then I woke up.

And the sweetness of the sweetest hug from the dream still lingered on me...

Hurting me, but at the same time giving me pleasure of very high intensity.

Then the questions began...

Oh!

Dreams are a bum!!
A big bum!!!

But at least I know one thing...

That I have finally found what I have been searching for...

Have I, really?

Well, let me go back to my Australian Open tennis first...

Australian Open 2013 - Tennis

For me life is mainly about tennis, books and sleep. Not exactly in that order, but all the same...

The month of January is the driest of the 12 months. Money is dry, ideas are dry and people are almost at their wilting point.
But thank the tennis association for Australian Open Slam! Without it I'd be somewhere with the rest of the world wilting away...

Oh yeah, it's ON in the beautiful city of Melbourne.
Let's go team #Serena!

This how the first day of the giant slamming went;
Venus Williams, Novak Djokovic, Maria Sharapova, Li Na, Marcus Baghtadis, Ana Ivanovic, Agneska Radwanska, Heather Watson all through to the second round. Yay! Yay!

It's two weeks of no shut-eye :)

Love you all!!
Especially you...
And you...
And you too

Suddenly It's 2013!

Well, I'm not exactly sure how to begin this post...
Happy new year to you all??
Or
How has the brand new year been so far??
Oh well, away with the beginning. Literature says there's isn't such a thing as the beginning. So even the end can be the beginning. But in this case I'm going to begin with the middle. I love the middle. It's got a mischievous side to it that gets my spirit soaring. Perhaps that's because because I'm a mischievous middle child. Lol

So you wake up from one lengthy slumber and suddenly it's 2013! You rub your puffy eyes, scratch your head and ask yourself; "where has 2012 gone to?"
The answer is; It swiftly passed away while you'd passed out.
Damn, this thing called time doesn't play games!

Ok.
Let me now ask the inevitable question... I live to despise this question!
How were the festives for you?

Well, everything put aside, I had the greatest christmas! One I haven't had in years - many years in fact. So the above question won't exactly enrage me this time.
I had serious fun. Very serious FUN!
Plenty of good food, plenty of drink, and plenty of great talk.
This is the part where I should wish everyday was Xmas...
But nah! If everyday was Xmas then I'd be as poor as a church frog, and the whole celebration wouldn't be as much fun. So I guess once a year is good. Perfect!

And what's in store for 2013?
Another question I love to hate!
Well, nothing for me. As usual I'll go with the slow flow.
I just hope there won't be a lot of gothic goings-on since 13 is popularly known as a ghostly digit. Lol

***one important point I've learnt in the year that's just gone to an eternal sleep; "everything sums up to love, or the lack of it." Hannah Nkunga

Love you all!
Especially you...
And you too..
Oh yes, I mean you!