I'm thinking of doing a degree in lying. I'll certainly have to graduate summa cum laude to become a widely respected, professional Liar. Once I do that then it would be easier to convince you I've overcome my demons and let go of the cloying past. With that lying qualification in my hands, I'll be able to tell you that it's all over. That I've finally broken the ghostly chains and found my way to a peaceful place. I'll be able to tell you that I'm not thinking of him. That he's no longer the first thing on my mind when I wake up, and the last when I drift to sleep. Until then please try and bear with me. I'm a soul whose heart is in two different places. (Like Usher Raymond). Whose love has two different faces. I'm a soul with scars still violently gushing from pain. I swear I wanna leave him behind. For I can no longer stand seeing the tears in your eyes. I really wanna change for you. But old habits die hard. Actually, they never die. They are immortal. That's why the wise say you can't teach an old Labrador new tricks. I am that old Labrador! I realize when I look in the mirror that I can never change. No matter how much I wanna dedicate myself to you. No matter how hard o try! But you are what I have now. And I'm tired of being the cause of your pain. And if I have to lie just to see one genuine smile on your face, then so be it. ****** Hannah Nkunga at 3:50 AM