Too tired to comprehend.

Today is one of those days when my emotions seem to get the better of my being. Yeah, same old story......
I wish I could just numb my senses and never feel this pain ever again.
I am an emotional time bomb. I blast any time, any place.

I can't cry no more, for my tissues responsible for the production of tears are all dysfunctional from working overtime for far too long.
I have never been so helpless in my life!
Everytime I feel like I've finally got to the bottom of my condition, there comes another reminder......
My heart gets heavy like a tonne in my sternum. I literally can feel this sharp piercing pain deep in my soul caused by regret over lost opportunities.
I just wanna hurdle into a ball and forever cry this pain away. I wanna be free. I wanna be able to look back and not feel like am being cruelly scalded with overboiled cooking oil.....make it acid...

But despite this lumpy form of unhappiness thats buried within me, I still have to continue living. I still have to smile even when my heart is drenched in bloody tears.
How much longer can I carry on with this pretence? I am dangerously running out of energy to go on. It gets harder by the day.

So far I've realised that the unnerving grief one goes through after losing a loved one to death is unbearable, but it gets better after some time.

But how do you mourn a loved one who is still breathing? How do you get them out of your life when they have been there for so long? How do you cut that emotional attachment that won't give in to the sharpest sword? How do you get yourself to forget....? And how do you move on when your soul is still stuck in the past?
I wish feelings were like light switches.......